Being Goofy in Vegas

Posted on August 29, 2016 by Joe Cummings
Vegas. I place to be serious? I think not.

Vegas. A place to be serious? I think not.

There are times when you have to be serious and times when you can be, well, goofy. We had a lot of serious. The Grand Canyon. The Hoover Dam. So, by the time we arrived in Vegas, we didn’t realize what time it really was. Silly time.

Amazingly enough, we returned our Sonata rental about as fast as it takes to order a Big Mac.

Wait.

Now I want a Big Mac. Hold on. I’ll be back.

Ah. Mmmmm. Yum. So, as I was saying….

We returned the rental without any problems, but the taxi ride to our hotel wasn’t as easy or fun. We got in a taxi driven by an Ethiopian madman. Ok, I don’t really know if he was Ethiopian or mad, but he kept talking on his cell phone as he drove 100mph through traffic, weaving in and out, and even looking down at his phone to check texts. It was terrifying. I’m sure that’s all pretty much the driving style in Mogadishu, but in Vegas, well, it was a lot to take, especially with kids in the back seat.

Our destination. Las Vegas. The Treasure Island Hotel. No pirates, though. They've been killed

Our destination. Las Vegas. The Treasure Island Hotel. No pirates, though. They’ve been killed

But we arrived at Treasure Island without being killed in a fiery car crash, kidnapped, or taken out into the desert and murdered.

Now the TI is not one of the new, plush, luxury hotels. It’s a little dated, doesn’t have the best pool in Vegas and has even stopped doing their incredible pirate battle out front, but it had something important to me. It was cheap. And on the strip.

We checked in, dragged our bags upstairs and by the time we unpacked, we were all exhausted from the day. Hard to believe a day of driving can take it out of you, but it does.

So no wandering around in search of food. We’d eat at the hotel.

Senor Frogs. Vegas.

Senor Frogs. Vegas.

Now where to eat? There was a pizza place, but it was basically a counter with stools, and completely full. The frozen yogurt shop had room for us, but even I needed more than frozen yogurt for dinner, so we ended up at Senor Frogs.

But wait, isn’t that, like, a party bar/restaurant with tequila nights and bikini contests and drinking games? Well, yes, but at 6pm, not so much.

However, being overly tired, we slipped into a goofy mood the moment we sat down, even before the tequila arrived for the weary parents. The-Oldest noticed that they had signs on the ceiling, signs that had wise (or wisenheimer) sayings.

Things like, she may be hot, but somewhere there’s a guy who’s tired of her sh*t. Or if you can’t change your situation, change your attitude.

Old school memes. In my day, we called them signs, but whatever

Old school memes. In my day, we called them signs, but whatever

Memes, basically.

We had fun reading them, but how to explain the first one to a 13-year-old. Or a 9-year-old? It’s like when they ask what a sausage fest is because there’s movie called sausage fest.

I mean, do I lie and say it’s a movie about sausages? Yummy, tasty sausages? In the end, we muddled through the explanation since it wasn’t the most awkward question they’ve ever asked, and moved on to food as fast as we could.

We got lots of food, had silly balloon hats made for us, which we all wore, and had one of the best dinners so far. Not that we got what we ordered, oh, no, but that ended up being part of the fun. We’d order a milk and our very Latino waiter would bring a mountain dew. We’d ask for the bill and get more salsa chips (no charge, amigo, no charge.)

Ok, so The-Prettiest-Girl-in-the-World doesn't look giggly, here, but she was, honest. She had tequila.

Ok, so The-Prettiest-Girl-in-the-World doesn’t look giggly, here, but she was, honest. She had tequila. And a queen balloon hat.

Did I care that I wore the silly balloon hat? No. I wore it with pride. So did the boys, even The-Oldest who is coming into that age where he is mortified of looking goofy (especially with his parents.) But in that moment, on that night, in that city, Vegas, we gave into our goofiness and had the best time.

Because, tomorrow, we do Vegas, baby!

Above, for your information, is The-Youngest’s first real use of the selfie-stick I bought for The-Prettiest-Girl-in-the-World’s birthday. He took a few pictures with it at the Grand Canyon and about 5000 when he tried to do a video and did burst shots for 10 min, but this is his best one.

And hey, if you like this series of adventures, please follow the blog, or share me on Facebook, Twitter or whatever cool, new social media platform you use. 🙂

 

 

Posted in Travel, Vegas, Vegas and Grand Canyon | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Top 10 Reasons The Hoover Dam’s Amazing

Posted on August 28, 2016 by Joe Cummings
The Hoover Dam. Completed in 1935.

The Hoover Dam. Completed in 1935.

Is the Hoover Dam the 8th wonder of the world?

The Prettiest-Girl-in-the-World might give that spot to the Rock, but the Hoover Dam might still crack her top 10 list.

Inside one of the tunnels in the Hoover Dam

Inside one of the tunnels in the Hoover Dam

Like the Grand Canyon, the Hoover Dam is really a MUST-SEE if you’re in the area. Oddly enough, I’ve been to Vegas 3 times and not seen the dam once. So much for a MUST-SEE, right?

But I made a mistake those other times. It really is something you shouldn’t miss.

We made it just in time for the last tour. It was one of those days where everything just seemed to work out. Even the tour guides were surprised that we bought our tickets only 15 min before the tour started. They said people usually have to get tickets at 10am and wait.

IMG_9423

Each section of concrete was marked on the Hoover Dam so the workers or supervisors could identify a specific area.

Our tour guide took us through the dam itself, a fantastic experience, and the generator room. We got to see where the workers did math on the walls, how the lights were sunk into cavities in the tunnel roof so no one would smash them or bonk their heads, and how the engineers would check if the dam shifted in any way.

The turbines and giant crane inside the generator room of the Hoover Dam.

The turbines and giant crane inside the generator room of the Hoover Dam.

We got to see the immense crane used for moving the generator parts around, feel the wood-grain texture of the concrete in the tunnels, hear the low engine-like roar of the water as it passed above us in the first room of our tour.

I loved it. Loved. It. I love seeing how things are made. Electricity. Movies. Beer. Babies. Whatever. It’s all fascinating.

******

But instead of 10 blogs about why the Hoover Dam is amazing, here is a top 10 list.

The Allspark was kept hidden from us at the Hoover Dam which made The-Youngest sad.

The Allspark was kept hidden from us at the Hoover Dam which made The-Youngest sad.

1) You get to see where the Transformers hid the all-spark. Or where Megatron was hidden. I can’t remember which. The actual room is not on the tour, however, it’s kind of

The actual room is not on the tour, however, it’s kind of secret so it’s somewhere behind that big ass wall they show you in the generator room. I think.

2) The dam was built AHEAD of schedule. Have you ever heard of anything like that? It must have happened somewhere, sometime in my life, but I’m hard pressed to remember an example.

3) Provided jobs for 20,000 workers during the depression and the workers were paid $4-$6/hr, worked 8 hours a day, with 2 days off a year. Hard core work, too. Not writing, work. Manly, man work. With Concrete. In a million-degree heat.

Marble? In a dam? That;s one of the surprising things about the Hoover Dam

Marble? In a dam? That;s one of the surprising things about the Hoover Dam

Our guide at the Hoover Dam just before he nominated The-Youngest to be his assistant guide. Seems guides like to borrow The-Youngest for some reason. We need to start charging

Our guide at the Hoover Dam just before he nominated The-Youngest to be his assistant guide. Seems guides like to borrow The-Youngest for some reason. We need to start charging

4) The workers were paid to actually make the dam look good. I mean, who does that these days? They used wooden slates on the concrete in the interior of the dam to create a wood-grain look to the concrete. They used marble on the floor inside, for goodness sake. And proceline tiles on the tunnels. You have to see it to believe it, but they built the dam with the idea that it would be a tourist attraction from day 1.

5) A whole town had to get built to support the workers. Boulder City. I know it sounds like a Flintstone location where Fred and Barney worked, but it’s a cool name. Personally, I would have gone with Dam City, but whatever.

6) The company, being asshats, clawed back $1.25 in wages per day for housing and food, then paid ½ the remainder in company script which, you guessed it, could only be spent at the company store. Vegas girls made a killing by accepting company script then going shopping in the company stores. Fun times.

The elevator door!

The elevator door!

Art deco statues outside the Hoover Dam.

Art deco statues outside the Hoover Dam.

7) If you love art deco, and I  do, like I love gargoyles on churches and stained glass in windows, then you HAVE to see the Hoover Dam. Look at the bathrooms, at the elevators, at the statues outside and even the parking lot… all beautiful examples of the style.

 

8) The dam could not be built today. Can you image the environmental nutbags who would line up to protest, the massive mountains of governmental paperwork that would have to be fought through, the years of studies that would have to be done and the country-crippling expense? The US is simply not a country capable of such great things. Look to China.

Coolest picture of the Hoover Dam ever. 3,250,000 cubic yards of concrete

Coolest picture of the Hoover Dam ever. 3,250,000 cubic yards of concrete

9) Lots of fun concrete and building facts to learn, but my favourite was how they solved the problem of setting the concrete. See, it would take, like 100 years to cure and when it finally cured, it would crack and that’s kinda like a bad thing for a dam to do.

So, they built a huge fridge and placed ‘582 miles of one-inch steel pipe throughout the concrete, pipe that carried river water and ice water to cool down the concrete.’ Thus allowing the concrete to cure.

10) You get to say things like dam line-up, I’m waiting for the dam guide, I’m on the dam. It never gets old, and there are a billion permutations.

For more facts, check these links. 8th Wonder, History Channel which has some really cool stuff, and this from mental floss which has EVEN MORE fun facts.

Now there was only Vegas to see and do.

We had plans, but as usual, some of the best adventures came from what was not planned.

 

Posted in Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Why Road Trips Rock

Posted on August 27, 2016 by Joe Cummings
Fabulous Vegas

Fabulous Vegas

Can you make a road trip fun? Or does fun just happen sometimes?

We had just three things to accomplish. Drive to Vegas. Stop and see the amazing Hoover Dam along the way, and see what The-Youngest called the MUST-SEE place half way to the dam.

All three things offered something new, something unexpected, something, kinda awesome.

Now, take a guess.

What would The-Youngest’s MUST-SEE place be? Uncle Jeb’s Monster Trucks, Guns and Liquor? The location of the Cars movie? A tumbleweed race-course?

No.

Dunkin Donuts.

See, they don’t have a Timmies down there. At least down in Arizona. The Americans have DD. And The-Youngest was convinced it would be the best place to find a good donut (based on his research of donuts.)

It made sense. There was a Dunkin Donuts half way to Vegas and, this time, we had no elusion that we could do the 4-hour drive without several rest stops. Plus, I wouldn’t mind a good donut as well. And something akin to a double-double.

All kinds of Ford Mustangs on the road. 2016's. 2013's like mine. Mint 1967 ones. ugly 80's mistakes. It was like they were given away free with any gun purchase.

All kinds of Ford Mustangs on the road. 2016’s. 2013’s like mine. Mint 1967 ones. Ugly 80’s mistakes. It was like they were given away free with any gun purchase.

So let me tell you about the drive. It’s a boring drive. However, cool note, there are a billion Mustangs on the road. It is, by far, the muscle car of choice. Sorry Charger. Sorry Camaro. It’s actually crazy how many there are. On the drive TO Flagstaff, I started pointing them out, but after about 20 within 30 minutes, The-Oldest begged me to stop.

It was the same on the way back. You couldn’t toss a cup of coffee out the window without hitting someone speeding by us in a ‘stang. Personally, I would have bet on some form of truck being the most popular car in this neck of the woods. Gun rack. Confederate flag. Deer antlers on the hood, But no. Young, old, short, tall, man or woman, they all seemed to choose the Mustang.

Also of note was the fact there aren’t any rest-stops like the ones we have in Canada and the Pacific North West. No place to pull over and let the children out to pee. Those places in this part of the world are called gas stations.

We never found Radiator Springs. That's more like Peach Springs on Arizona State Route 66, but we did see a lot of similar geography.

We never found Radiator Springs. That’s more like Peach Springs on Arizona State Route 66, but we did see a lot of similar geography.

Now, for The-Prettiest-Girl-in-the-World, the best part was seeing a real-life tumbleweed tumble across the highway and back into the desert. No Roadrunner this time, though. And she was excited to see a lot of the terrain depicted in Disney’s Cars, a movie she watched over 200 times with her young boys.

For The-Oldest, he was happy that we listened to classical music the entire drive. He got to explain who wrote it, why it was awesome and how he would change it to make it more awesome. He had no idea what awaited him at the Dunkin Donuts. Not a clue.

And The-Youngest was happy just to discuss the possibility of donut selection. Would there be a double chocolate donut? One with sprinkles? One with chocolate AND sprinkles? Maybe there’d be an arcade there. And wifi. And a place he could buy cheap headphones. When he grew bored of that, he tried to yank one of his loose teeth out of his head, grossing his brother and mom out.

Dunkin Donuts!

Dunkin Donuts!

At the Dunkin Donuts, The-Youngest had his dream come true. A double-chocolate donut WITH freaking sprinkles. I got to have my double-double (and the same donut as The-Youngest), while The-Prettiest-Girl-in-the-world chose a healthier black coffee, and The-Oldest was satisfied with milk and Wifi.

But while he was looking intently at his phone, two girls came in. Same age as him, as near as I can tell these things, and they totally checked him out.

I wanted to jab him and point out what was happening, but that might have been embarrassing for him, so I let him be. But there was no mistaking what the girls did. They huddled close to each other, shot looks over at him, giggled, tried to catch his eye while trying to look like they weren’t interested at all, and played with their hair, smiling in his direction a lot.

The man The-Oldest will become can be seen in this picture

The man The-Oldest will become can be seen in this picture

It made me realize what a transformation The-Oldest has gone through this year. Ok, he’s still largely oblivious to girls, but he’s become quite the handsome boy. Tall and lean. Big brown eyes. Great smile. You can see it in some of the Grand Canyon pictures. You can see the man he’s becoming. (FYI – it makes The-Prettiest-Girl-in-the-World cry.)

Sadly, he saw nothing of the attention he received. He later explained he was too busy composing in his head, but wasn’t uninterested in hearing that girls might find him, you know, attractive.

Equally sadly, The-Youngest didn’t find his headphones and we weren’t going to let him eat 12 donuts, so for him, he was happy to get on the road, again.

I wondered as we drove off, though, a few years from now, what would The-Oldest have done? Smiled back? Simply ignored them? Gone over and talked to them about Beethoven?

Who knows? That’s the amazing part of watching these boys grow up, deal with how their world changes, how they change, and how what’s important changes.

How lucky am I to be there with them? Maybe to help them along the way. Maybe to be there to support their choices. Their decisions. Maybe to offer sage advice that will likely be completely ignored.

But for today, just being there with them, on something as simplistic as a car ride, made this adventure a thousand times better. And we hadn’t even reached the dam, yet.

Posted in Parenting, Vegas and Grand Canyon | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Where Do You Find Travel Adventures

Posted on August 26, 2016 by Joe Cummings
Pictures never do the Grand Canyon justice

Pictures never do the Grand Canyon justice

Why travel? I mean, really. Why?

To experience stuff you simply wouldn’t experience at home. Sights. Sounds. Tastes. Smells. Textures. And to occasionally be surprised.

Not that we don’t have a ton of cool stuff to experience here. Hell, people come from all over the world to walk around Stanley Park, sway on the Capilano Suspension Bridge or buy our real estate. So there’re lots of things here, too, but Vancouver is not the world, and the world is an amazingly interesting place.

Days Hotel

Days Hotel

Now, let me take you to Tuesday, morning. 7am. Location: The restaurant at the Days Hotel in Flagstaff. Not a place you’d expect to see something you don’t see every day. But that’s the beauty of traveling.

As I sat down to have a good breakfast, get some writing done and let the family sleep in, who should walk into the restaurant but a biker gang?

A French biker gang.

I sh*t you not. 8 of them.  Who knew that France had biker gangs? Who knew bikers would want to come to Arizona? As tourists?

They were mostly old guys and half of the group were women, looking like they’ve seen a lot of road, but smiling and chatty just like any tourist would be.

They all took a table together. Got menus from the waitress who spoke about as much French as I speak Swahili. She tried her best to explain the specials, but I don’t think they understood. Even when she repeated the choices with a higher and higher volume.

I have to say, the bikers seemed a lot less intimating when they said, oui, nes pas or mais non. Not that I had the courage to go up and take a picture of them or sit down and ask what brought them here, but I do have a theory on the latter.

Route 66. Perhaps the most famous highway in America.

Route 66. Perhaps the most famous highway in America.

See, some of the highway we’d traveled (and would travel, today) was old route 66. A famed highway from long, ago. A highway that you can take from Chicago to Santa Monica.

It’s a route filled with abandoned gas stations, ghost towns, old bridges, ruined warehouses and lost of bits of Americana. It’s actually a great road, a road less traveled.

I set one of my novels here. The Darkest Desert. Oddly, it featured biker gangs

I set one of my novels here. The Darkest Desert. Oddly, it featured biker gangs

I even set one of my novels on locations along Route 66, in California, so I got a chance to drive a bit of it a few years back, and I loved it. I could see why bikers from France might want to take that route.

Despite the leathers, the bikers were polite as hell. The busload of Koreans who came in to eat sat about as far away from them as they could, but there was no need. The bikers were happy to enjoy their American food, laugh and tell stories with each other, and plot the next leg of their journey.

French Bikers. Despite their outer appearance, polite, full of good humor and very French

French Bikers. Despite their outer appearance, polite, full of good humor and very French

In the end, I did sneak a picture, but all the while I thought, boy, this is why I get out of the hotel room. You just never freaking know what you’ll find.

It was a great start to a day where we had one thing I thought we MUST do and one thing the-Youngest thought we MUST do.

 

Posted in Vegas and Grand Canyon | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Top 10 Cool Facts About the Grand Canyon.

Posted on August 26, 2016 by Joe Cummings

I admit it. I love facts. Facts are fun. Here are a few..

1)94% of the Grand Canyon is untouched by humans.

Like the ocean, the Grand Canyon remains largely untouched by smelly people

Like the ocean, the Grand Canyon remains largely untouched by smelly people

That information makes we want to go touch things. Same with The-Youngest. Give him a year there, though, and he’ll have touched everything.

2) They totally goofed up how long people had been in the canyon. Originally, it was thought about 4000 years, ago, but recent discoveries put mankind buggering around in the area at about 10,000 years, ago. Even Wiki needs to be updated. But it makes me think how many facts we take as facts are not, in fact, facts, but best guesses.

3)going to 11 The river rapids are so dangerous that here there is an entirely new rating. Most go I-VI. The rapids here go to 10. Like Spinal Tap’s Nigel Tufnel’s speakers going to 11. (See link for why, it’s kinda cool.)

4) The dude who finally and successfully navigated those rapids had one arm and couldn’t swim. Think about that for a moment. His name, not a crazy name like John ‘the macho man’ Powell. Simply John Wesley Powell.

Just as I was about to take the perfect shot of the Grand Canyon, two people stand to admire the view. At least they gave scale.

Just as I was about to take the perfect shot of the Grand Canyon, two people stand to admire the view. At least they gave scale.

5) 5 million people visit the canyon every year. Most show up the same day as we do and try to block all my cool shots.

6) No one has been killed by a mountain lion in the park. I was massively disappointed. I say we serve up the dumbest tourist every year to one of those cats just to make sure they’re well-fed.

7) It’s not the deepest or widest canyon. Screw you, Himalayan and Australian canyons, it’s still the prettiest.

8) Scientists don’t agree on how it was formed. Oddly, I’m ok with that. I worry a lot more when everyone agrees on something without question. Sounds more like dogma than science to me.

The picture of the Grand Canyon I took from space that last time I was there.

The picture of the Grand Canyon I took from space that last time I was there.

9)The Grand Canyon is one of the few natural landmarks that can be seen from space. Like me with my shirt off. It’s also listed as one of the 7 natural wonders of the world.

10) You can see about a quarter of the earth’s natural history here. Or approximately 1.75 IMG_0491billion years of history of a world 4.5 billion years old. Older than the dinosaurs. It’s older than Betty White.

For more cool Grand Canyon stuff, check out these links.

National Geographic 

Written by the Grand Canyon itself, I think.

Lonely Planet

My person go-to site – Trip Advisor

Best Things to Do

Best Map For the South Rim

Let me know if you have any advice to add 🙂

 

 

 

Posted in Stepdad, Top 10 lists, Travel, Vegas and Grand Canyon | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

More Unexpected Experiences at the Grand Canyon

Posted on August 25, 2016 by Joe Cummings
The IMAX at the vistor's center in the Grand Canyon.

The IMAX at the visitor’s center in the Grand Canyon.

There are things that should be done in order. Watching the first Game of Thrones episode before watching, like, the 10th. Eating fries before a burger. And seeing an IMAX show about the Grand Canyon before you see the Grand Canyon.

Why?

Cuz fries get soggy or cold.

And an IMAX film simply pales in comparison to the real thing. So, having seen the real thing, a movie, even a big screen movie, is kinda lame.

But that’s what we did after the Grand Canyon Tour. Our guide, Sean, told us that if we wanted to take a small hike, he had the perfect spot. We are not, however, big hikers and the thought of bringing The-Youngest to a spot that had 270 degrees of ways to fall off a cliff, we thought, yeah, no to that.

Plus, we were starving and so, while we waited for the next IMAX showing at the National Geographic Information Center, we decided not to go to any of the places recommended by the guide (due to time constraints) and instead ate at the Pizza Hut. It was awful. Just awful. But at least we had full bellies and were in time for the IMAX.

Now, even if I had seen the IMAX show before the actual Grand Canyon, I may have been disappointed. There were none of the going-over-a cliff-shots that make me queasy. None of the virtual near things coming right at you that make you swerve in the seat. No sense of speed or ear-shattering sound. It was mostly just shots of the canyon and a docu-drama about the dude who actually rafted down the river for the first time. John Wesley Powell.

Green screen or the real thing? A bit of haze in the distance made the Grand Canyon look made-up

Green screen or the real thing? A bit of haze in the distance made the Grand Canyon look made-up

Both The-Youngest and The-Prettiest-Girl-in-the-world thought the actual Grand Canyon seemed like a green screen picture. It made sense since it was a bit hazy in the distance, but I thought what a cool observation?

Afterwards, we bought our traditional souvenir t-shirts for the boys and then went to go to the car, only to have the most unexpected thing happen.

It rained. Thick heavy drops splashed on the ground. The air smelled of dust and wet juniper trees. Dark clouds loomed overhead, and as I looked at them, I wondered if we would get a thunderstorm as well?

But as we drove away, the rain disappeared. No matter. It made for an interesting moment. Something I would never have expected to see or experience.

Mexican Food at the Salsa Brava. Mmmm, good!

Mexican Food at the Salsa Brava. Mmmm, good!

As for dinner, just to be super annoying we phoned to change our reservation, AGAIN! They were super nice and fit us in earlier than we planned. Dinner at Salsa Brava wasn’t the amazing birthday dinner I’d dreamed about, planned for, but the food was delicious, the portions HUGE and The-Youngest even braved the Salsa bar (trying a tasty green chili one.)

Stuffed full, we retreated to the hotel to get to sleep early. We needed to get up early the next day and suffer through another 4-hour drive.

Sadly, not my picture of horizontal lightning, but this is what it looked like. Wow!

Sadly, not my picture of horizontal lightning, but this is what it looked like. Wow!

However, that storm, remember the one at the Grand Canyon, yeah, it caught up with us and split the sky with an incredible lightning show. Thunder peeled across the horizon and I got to see something I’ve never seen before. Horizontal lightning.

It was the perfect way to end a perfect day – another display of the power and beauty of nature.

Sleep be damned.

 

Posted in Vegas and Grand Canyon | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

The Grand Canyon – It Doesn’t Disappoint

Posted on August 24, 2016 by Joe Cummings
That's it, boys, the Grand Canyon! That's the Colorado River, you see.

That’s it, boys, the Grand Canyon! That’s the Colorado River, you see down there. Kinda cool, huh?

I won’t lie.

This blog could be boring.

No one fell off a cliff. We didn’t get attacked by mountain lions or vultures. We didn’t have to hike out of the bottom of the canyon in 104-degree heat. We simply took an astonishing tour of the Grand Canyon’s Southern Rim.

If you don’t like reading about fantastic tours, I get it. It’s ok. You can skip this post. I won’t hold it against you. But if you are ever thinking of going to the Grand Canyon and want to know what one family experienced, then read on.

Let me do a plug for the tour company. Sadly, I’m not receiving any money for this, but maybe one day when I monetize my blog and have a million followers, I will sell out and give good reviews for massive compensation. But for now, it’s just the truth.

Pink Jeep Tours

Pink Jeep Tours

Pink Jeep Tours and our guide, Sean, were awesome.

The moment we arrived, they treated us so well. The guy at the counter knew we were coming. Knew we might be late. Congratulated us on making it and said we could still catch the 8:30, said we had a great tour ahead of us. Or we could wait for the next one. Whatever works for us.

We chose to go right away, but that kind of friendly is awesome. I’m sure he would have held my backpack and computer if I asked.

Now the Pink Jeep Tour only has, you know, jeeps. So, we had to share with two other people. Friendly people. From Cincinnati. A dad and his son doing the long drive home, seeing what they could see from LA back to Ohio.

So cool.

Our Pink Jeep Tour Guide, Sean

Our Pink Jeep Tour Guide, Sean

Our guide was Sean. Tall. Thin. Long fingers. Young. Enthusiastic. The type of guy who actually seems to love what he doing and loves to talk about it even more.

Hard to fake that stuff. I know. I’ve tried. I can pretend to like Chopin for only so long before I start to fall asleep.

And off we went.

The+Youngest became the official assistant guide on the Grand Canyon Tour.

The-Youngest became the official assistant guide on the Grand Canyon Tour.

The-Youngest, being the cutest kid in the world, was designated by the guide as the official assistant guide and map holder. The guide told us the parts of the Grand Canyon we’d be seeing. Why we’d be seeing the best parts. What would be the stops we’d make.

At our first stop, we got out and, like the first time I saw the canyon so many years, ago, I was awe-struck.

Pictures never do the Grand Canyon justice

Pictures never do the Grand Canyon justice

There aren’t any words to describe the canyon.

It is grand, for sure, but grand is such a small word for something so immense.

It is simply magnificent and, since I’m afraid of heights, not a little terrifying, with cliffs and no fences what would stop me from tripping and falling 6000 feet.

But looking at the layers of rock, at the colors, at the way the light and shadow made each formation, each outcropping, or landmark or feature utterly breathtaking made me realize how beautiful, beautiful can be.

Duck Rock. Or do you see the head of a sphinx? Or a monkey with a hat?

Duck Rock. Or do you see the head of a sphinx? Or a monkey with a hat?

I’m not sure the rest of the family had the same experience. I listened with rapture as the guide told us about the 6 million year history of the canyon, how once it had been a part of a mountain chain taller than Everest, then how it had been under a sea, how once it had been a marsh or a desert or a lush plain filled with all manner of plants and animals.

I loved hearing about the people who inhabited the nearly uninhabitable canyon. About how the canyon is unique in the world (it has a combination of deposits pushed up by the plate tectonics, then sheared and shaped by water and wind).

For The-Prettiest-Girl-In-the-World, it put all of the world’s petty problems in perspective. The world had remade itself so many times. Creatures lived and died and become part of the rock. We humans barely occupied the tiniest speck of time in the canyon. In earth’s history.IMG_9340[1]

 

 

 

IMG_9339[1]For The-Youngest, he didn’t care at all about the history or geology or the funny stories the guide told about his experiences with the canyon. He wanted to run around and get as close to the edge as he could. Personally, I think he just hated not having any attention on him, but his antics terrified The-Prettiest-Girl-In-the-World.

Our guide showing us how to take a picture like we were falling off a cliff

Our guide showing us how to take a picture like we were falling off a cliff

And me.

My worst nightmare is not falling off a cliff, though that is quite terrifying. No, it’s someone I love falling off.

So she held The-Youngest’s hand when she could, but not wanting to treat him like a 3-year-old, she tried to let him experience the canyon in his own way. But, in the end, I had to have a talk with him. Man-to-man. Face-to-face. No threats. I simply told him his mom couldn’t have fun and enjoy the canyon and the tour if she had to watch constantly out for him.

For the most part, it worked. Not because of what I said, but I think he didn’t really want to ruin his mom’s enjoyment. Plus the guide showed him how to take a picture that LOOKED like he was falling off a cliff.

Yes, it's the Indian Watchtower at Desert View, a 70-foot-high stone building located on the South Rim of the Grand Canyon

Yes, it’s the Indian Watchtower at Desert View, a 70-foot-high stone building located on the South Rim of the Grand Canyon

We got to see the canyon from several vantage points, and at each point, it was different and incredible. We stopped at the very touristy tower, and while I’m not a big fan of touristy, we had fun climbing to the top of it, and taking in the view.  To be honest, though, while the Boyz ran to the top, by the time I got there, I was red-faced and breathing hard. Most of the other tourists looked at me like I was having a heart-attack.

But that was the worst that happened.

We simply had a great time seeing one of the world’s wonders, guided by the entertaining and enthusiastic, Sean.

So, my advice, if you can, see the Canyon at some point in your life. It’s worth the drive. It’s worth the flight. It’s even worth unclogging a toilet.

Even if it makes for a terrible blog post.

Posted in Stepdad, Vegas and Grand Canyon | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Trolls, Bad Choices and No Acme Anvils – Grand Canyon Day pt 1

Posted on August 24, 2016 by Joe Cummings
Pink Jeep Tours, Grand Canyon, Arizona. Our goal for the day.

Pink Jeep Tours, Grand Canyon, Arizona. Our goal for the day.

Up at 5:30 am.

Why? It was Grand Canyon day and we needed to arrive by 8:30 am. We had a tour booked. Pink Jeep. The eastern side of the southern rim. Looked amazing.

No one was impressed at getting up so early. Boyz looked like death. The-Prettiest-Girl-in-the-World spent extra time in the bathroom getting all pretty-like.

As she did so, I went downstairs to have the front desk hold my backpack with my laptop. Normally, this encounter goes something like this. “Mind if I leave my laptop bag with you?”

“Why sure, sir, thank you for staying at our hotel, we’d be honored, nay, blessed, to look after that ratty-looking bag.”

Instead, when I asked if I could please leave my bag, I encountered one of the worst types of creatures on the planet.

The night shift guy.

Long, greasy hair. Thick glasses. Probably writes a lot of horror porn. “Why?” he asked like I had just asked him to give up masturbation.

“My laptop won’t fit in the safe,” I told him. Not that I wanted to put it there. Last night all that we put inside was nearly locked up forever.

He looked at me like deciding if he should use a hacksaw to cut up my body or dissolve me in acid. “What?”

I repeated my request. In my most polite Canadian tone.

 

The guy looked like Manson with glasses. Had I known he was on at night, I would have not slept.

The guy looked like Manson with glasses. Had I known he was on at night, I would have not slept.

He sighed, shook his head, then walked away.

 

He just walked away.

“So you’re taking it, yes?” I said. I may not have sounded so polite.

“I guess,” he said, cleared a spot on the counter, then took it.

He said nothing as I thanked him and I strode back to our room. Apparently, they only put the-very-pretty-young-Asian-girl-with-white-pants-who-couldn’t-have-been-nicer out at night. In the morning, they use trolls. Who need to bathe.

Despite our best efforts, by the time we hit the road, we were behind schedule. Google said we’d arrive right at 8:30.

The tour started at 8:30!!!

And that didn’t include any lost time due to traffic, me making a wrong turn or getting behind someone from Whiterock who drove 20kph under the speed limit.

So I did what I usually do when late. I made a series of bad choices.

First, we had to get gas. Now we should have gotten gas last night, but after all, that had happened, we were simply too exhausted. Maybe we could have made it, but maybe not and who wants to be stuck on a highway begging for someone in a pickup to put us in the back with the hogs so I can get gas at a gas station.

And because we were late, the pump wouldn’t take my card, and I had to go inside, and because we were late, there was a huge lineup, and then I had to guess how much gas and apparently, a lot is not an acceptable answer.

So, I made my best guess and was totally wrong since in the US they pay about as much for a tank of gas as we pay for tolls over a bridge, and so I had to get back into a lineup to correct my error. In the meantime, the Boyz and The-prettiest-girl-in-the-world had gotten lots of healthy snacks for the drive and tour. Plus lots of water.

Having paid, we sped off, my eye twitching with anxiety.

How did I miss the WRONG WAY signs???

How did I miss the WRONG WAY signs???

Then, I thought it might be fun to take a wrong turn and drive onto the highway.  Onto an exit. On a one way street.

The f-word may have been used. A lot. The swear jar was owed about $145.

But I managed to U-turn in the middle of the road and correct my navigational error. The good news was that, by now, EVERYONE was fully awake and wide-eyed.

I might even use the word terrified.

Then we had to get coffee, because even when you’re late, you need coffee. How else was I supposed to drive 50 miles over the speed limit, pass everyone, and avoid the wildlife on the road?

But about 1000 people had the same idea and we had yet another line-up to line-up.

See, the rules of being late specifically state that everything that can delay you further will delay you further.

But we got coffee, and I sped off like we were being chased by tough-looking bikers (who, spoiler alert, appear in a later story.)

The 2-hour drive could have been filled with lots of swearing and me passing trucks over a double-line on a blind hill (and, FYI, a Hyundai is not built for passing anything) but The-Prettiest-Girl-in-the-World saved the drive by phoning the tour company and seeing if we could book a tour an hour later.

No problem, they said, or if you get there in time, you could still take your original tour.

Stress melted away. My eye stopped twitching. And I enjoyed the drive up, the area not like the Vegas desert but filled with pines and cedars (or as I later learned, not cedars, juniper trees), and green grass and cows and the occasional deer darting in front of us.

roadrunner

Roadrunner! Meep-meep. The coyote’s after you

The Prettiest-Girl-in-the-World pipped with delight when she saw a road runner whiz by in front of us. Disappointingly, no coyotes or Acme anvils followed.

And without incident, accident or breakdowns, we made it to the canyon. At 8:15. I made epic time.

Our tour awaited!

 

 

 

Posted in Travel, Vegas and Grand Canyon | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

The End of the First Day – Flagstaff, Toilets and Safes.

Posted on August 23, 2016 by Joe Cummings
Salsa Brava. Flagstaff. Our destination. If we could make it in time.

Salsa Brava. Flagstaff. Our destination. If we could make it in time.

One thing that I’d not trained for was the long drive. 4 hours from Vegas to Flagstaff. OMG, my bum and back hurt after two hours. After 3, I began to get so antsy that I was like a 9-year-old without any electronics. But I still thought we might have a chance to reach the restaurant in time.

The boys, for the most part, were amazing. They spent 4 hours listening to music, most of it the sleepifying Beethoven-type classical music. Honestly, I don’t hate classical music, but let’s face, it, it isn’t always the best for staying IMG_9741[1]awake. Hell, it was all I could do to keep my eyes open, but that’s the music The-Oldest loved so we listened to it while The-Youngest snoozed in an adorably cute way.

However, we had to stop to save my bum and feed the boyz, so it became clear, beyond all reasonable doubt and lacking a working teleportation device, that we wouldn’t make my birthday supper appointment, so I phoned to rebook for Monday.

Ok, first I phoned to say I’d be late. Then 2 hours later, when we were on the road, our tummies full, I phoned, again, to say, um, yes, looks like we’re going to be SO late as to be having to book the next day. The person on the other end didn’t laugh but did rebook us.

Not a tragedy.

At this point, The-Prettiest-Girl-in-the-World was dog-tired and just wanted to get to the hotel room, unwind a bit, and grab something nearby. She didn’t want a big feast and certainly wouldn’t have loved a lot of people singing happy birthday to her in Spanish.

days hotelWith The-Prettiest-Girl-in-the-World’s perfect navigation, we found the hotel without getting massively lost. A Days Hotel. Simple. Close to the highway. As cheap as I could get and still have some basic amenities.

We checked in without breaking anything (despite the best efforts of The-Youngest who seemed possessed by a need to touch, move or otherwise play with everything in the hotel lobby.)

But then the adventures began to happen. We were helped by a very pretty young, Asian girl with white pants who couldn’t have been nicer. Of course, had she known what would happen, she might not have been so nice.

In writing terms, when everything goes right, it makes a terrible story.

So, let me introduced you to the plugged toilet.

To be fair, The-Youngest only filled it up. With an epic deposit. And when he tried to flush, it began to run over.

He didn’t cause the problem at all, but you know that feeling. That horrible feeling. The water rising. With lots of stuff in it. You want it to stop. Pray that it’ll stop. You don’t want it to overflow, not on your watch, not from something you’ve done.

I can only imagine his panic, but when the water reached the rim, he shouted for help and we came running.

As you know, there’s not much we could do, though, but pray.

And the gods were with us, it didn’t overflow. It stopped at the edge. Right. At. The. Edge.

The-Youngest apologized, afraid we’d be mad, but it wasn’t his fault, so I phoned down to get it fixed but who should appear but the pretty, young Asian girl with white pants who couldn’t have been nicer. She gripped a plunger. And had a look of great fear.

Now who among us would make a pretty young Asian girl with white pants who couldn’t have been nicer unplug a toilet?

Well, not me.

I took the plunger, asked if she could bring some rags or used-towels in case this went very wrong and, ah, stuff spilled out onto the floor. She nodded and fled like I’d given her a reprieve from being tortured or forced to watch the entire Zoolander 2 movie.

Now being all chivalrous is fair and fine until you have to face down that toilet. With The-Oldest watching and giving advice like you probably don’t want to spill that water all over, I began.

OMG, don't ever EVER do a search on the internet for plugged toilets.

OMG, don’t ever EVER do a search on the internet for plugged toilets.

Very carefully.

So here’s the thing. Unplugging a toilet is a delicate operation. Plunge too hard and you’re picking stuff out of your hair and mopping up the floor. Plunge too lightly, and all you’re doing is making poo-soup. Yum.

With unbelievable skill, years of training, and not a little luck, I managed to plunge the blockage away without making a bigger mess.

Honestly, it was a miracle. The toilet was saved. All was good and right with the world.

Then we broke the in-room safe.

Not an easy thing to do.

Even harder to phone down to the desk and have the very pretty young, Asian girl with white pants who couldn’t have been nicer come up and have to fix that!

“Ah, hi, It’s room 321. Yes, us. Again. We, ah, broke the, um, safe. Yes, after putting all our valuables inside. Yes, it’s now locked us out. Would you mind coming up, again?”

This time, it was The-Prettiest-girl-in-the-world who fixed it. I don’t know how, but it did involve a lot of banging and swearing, but in the end, she managed to get it open. I think she was one step away from using a blow torch or seeing if the local 7-11 had a stick of dynamite.

Exhausted, scared of doing anything more in the room lest we break it, we went for supper in the bar.

Yes, our 9-year-old got to go into his first bar. He wanted to order a beer. He got a hamburger instead.

The boys in the bar at Days Hotel, Flagstaff

The boys in the bar at Days Hotel, Flagstaff. See big booth!

Now, in the hotel, the restaurant and bar are side-by-side. I think they sat us in the bar side to a) give us a view of the TV (b), I think the very pretty young, Asian girl with white pants who couldn’t have been nicer may have called and said there’d be a family coming down in need of lots of alcohol and (c) they had a huge booth for us.

We ate without breaking anything, getting into a bar fight or having to stop the-Youngest from sneaking tastes of other people’s drinks.

Time for bed.

Exhausted.

Somehow we managed to have a full day while planning to do nothing.

And tomorrow, the Grand Canyon awaited. What would we break there?

Posted in Travel, Vegas, Vegas and Grand Canyon | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

How to Get There From Here – Vegas to the Grand Canyon pt 1

Posted on August 23, 2016 by Joe Cummings
Google says 3hrs, 47 min, but does Google include pee stops, donut breaks, lunch and scenic pullouts?

Google says 3hrs, 47 min, but does Google include pee stops, donut breaks, lunch stops and scenic pullouts?

All we had to do was get from Vegas to our hotel in Flagstaff, AZ, south of the Grand Canyon. Maybe see the Hoover Dam if we had time. Maybe stop for lunch.

But that’s it. (Though, ‘it’ was a four-hour drive from Vegas to Flagstaff without stops!)

Oh, yeah. Also.

There may have been a birthday supper booked at the best Mexican restaurant in Flagstaff, (as featured on the Food Network’s Diners, Drive-ins, and Dives with Guy Fieri)  but I began to fear that would not quite work out. It would all depend on how fast we could get going and how important it was to rush. If we rushed too much, we could miss out on those magic moments, but if we didn’t, then the birthday dinner would be a bust.

Our chances of making the reservation in time dimmed right from the start. Somehow the tags came off my luggage and being me, and loving black, when I bought new luggage, I chose the black one… like a thousand other people.

Then The-Youngest, with his keen eyes, spotted it and raced over to lift it off the conveyor. Being 9, though, my luggage nearly pulled him onto the conveyor. It could have made a funny YouTube video (or at least a vine,) but instead of filming him, I ran over to rescue him, even though he did not want to be rescued in any way, shape or form.

Worse case for him, he got to ride my luggage like a pony around the conveyor belt. Worse case for us, he fell onto the conveyor, got his arm caught, then ripped off, and as he flailed around, screaming, he fell into the luggage loading hole and somehow found his way into a threshing machine.

So no video.

Our ride from the airport to the car rental lot. The-Oldest couldn't look more happy.

Our ride from the airport to the car rental lot. The-Oldest couldn’t look happier.

With our bags in hand, we went in search of the shuttle to our rent-a-car. Only two ways we could go and, yes, we chose the wrong way and had to march back again to the other end of the airport. But we had super light luggage so it really wasn’s so bad.

Stopping The-Youngest from using the wheeled luggage as a bowling ball to knock over lines of tourists, though, was more of a challenge.

Outside, nice weather. Hot. It’s a dry heat. Boyz not impressed. They said they’d felt hotter in our backyard. It was 96 outside and they were in the shade.

The shuttle took us on a long journey to the rental lots in a land far, far away. It is a bit odd, but whatever. Vegas is as Vegas does.

At the rental place, Aussies the size of small tanks got angry that they had to wait in line. I guess there are no lines in Australia. Or maybe the steroids made them angry all the time. Personally, I wouldn’t like to face down a 6’6” guy with a thick red neck and a throbbing vein in his forehead,  but a 5’1” guy did just that, mostly by saying “I understand, I get why you’re angry, we’ll get to you as fast as we can, ” until the Aussies wandered away to go lift Volkswagens or something.

Hyundai Sonata. A decent enough car. Certainly it was big enough for all of us.

Hyundai Sonata. A decent enough car. Certainly, it was big enough for all of us.

Car was a Hyundai sonata. Red. Comfy inside. Steered well.

I think the most dangerous part was getting out of the lot. People zooming in at the last moment, backing out to get on the road, wheeling luggage without looking around of just being German or deciding to chat in a large group and not move while people are trying to get in and out of parking lots.

Despite the need to make time, we had to stop for food. Denny’s. Remember the goal of keeping the boys fed? Well, no way we’d survive a 4-hour drive with 2 hangry boys. So, we stopped and by doing so, had a cool little encounter.

See, this is what you get when you don’t rush. I need to remind myself of this. And eating a lot of chocolate before bed keeps me awake.

A grab machine. I have no idea what it's really called. A claw machine? A clawinator?

A grab machine. I have no idea what it’s really called. A claw machine? A clawinator?

While waiting to be seated, a special needs person wanted to play the grab-a-toy-game and couldn’t figure it out. He was confused and was getting upset so I asked The-Youngest to come over. He’s an expert on these machines. More than the makers, I think.

Anyway, he took the time to show the guy what to do. Push that. Move this that way. There you go. Let it drop down. See. You got something! Great!

The-Youngest can be the coolest kid sometimes!

The other guy was delighted in a way that only mentally handicapped people or Leaf fans can be. I was proud of The-Youngest.

It was an encounter, an adventure I couldn’t have predicted.

At Denny’s, I actually had a healthy meal. Well, Denny’s healthy anyway. Veggies and eggs on some potatoes. No free food though. On your birthday at Denny’s, you get a free meal, but only a Grand Slam and The-Prettiest-Girl-in-the-World wanted an avocado chicken burger. They didn’t sing, but did bring her a burger (not on the menu), cuz, you know, it was her birthday.

We grabbed road supplies, forced The-Youngest to put back an American-large bag of chips, two bags of nibs, one box of bubble gum, and a super large bottle of pop. He still took a big bag of Cheetos, a bottle of water and some candies. Me, I bought M&Ms and got mocked for it since we’re going to the M&M store at some point.

On the road, the plan really began to fall apart. We were way behind schedule. The chance of making the birthday supper was now 20/80.

No time for the Hoover Dam.

We’d see it when we got back.

There was a point I would have to call off the birthday supper, but there was a part of me that wouldn’t do that until all hope had died.

Leaving Vegas

Leaving Vegas

With the sun behind us, slowly dipping in the sky, we buckled up and sped off, The-Prettiest-Girl-in-the-World navigating, The-Oldest listening to classical music and conducting in the back seat, and The-Youngest starting to crunch away on his gigantic bag of candies.

Posted in Travel, Vegas and Grand Canyon | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment