An actual picture of me.

Today we were learnding stuff.

Outside the house, a referral-only drive-thru testing site was set up in Burnaby. (It’s not a Timmies). Boris Johnson announced he had tested positive for the virus, which goes to show you that anyone with bad hair can get this, too. And Italy hit 10,000 deaths, which, if nothing else, should convince anyone this is indeed a problem.

At home, I made my first journey to the grocery store. Like General Patton, I planned my attack, new my objectives, and researched the best options. I hit the grocery store at 8:10am like I was storming the Normandy Beaches.

There were about 10 people in the entire store. Distancing markers had been set up by the tills, and quantity limits had been placed on items. All good.

I had gone early to avoid the crowds and had a list of essentials. You know, chocolate, feminine hygiene products, and milk. If I could find some fruit, bread, and fresh veggies, that would be awesome. I went in, though, with no hope of finding disinfectants, TP, or singing angels.

With virtually no one in the store, I raced through it as fast as I could. They didn’t have wipes to use on the cart, but that didn’t matter, I’d brought my own and wiped the cart handles, (and the milk door handles) down about 300 times. When I used the silly credit card machine, I wiped that down, too, and did the same with my credit card (even though it was only be inserted.)

Paranoid? Maybe. Safe? For freaking sure!

The only trouble I ran into was the feminine hygiene products. I do not have a good track record with these things. One time I couldn’t figure out what to get, so I texted The-Prettiest-Girl-in-the-World. “Did you want heavy flow or extra strength super duper heavy flow with rainbows?” The response. “What?????” I repeated the request.

Then I realized I had texted her mom by mistake.

Oh, God!

But looking at the choices, I couldn’t find what was needed, though I read every package. Who knew there were so many choices? Who knew brand would be so important? Sadly, I made my best guess, then ran away before more female shoppers pushed by me shaking their heads.

When I got home, I wiped everything down, including myself, and packed it all away. However, with quantity restrictions, I could only get one milk, which is about what the boys go through in 2 hours. Ha. But, like Patton, I counted my adventure as a success despite some failures.

I will learn from these failures – like I learned that I cannot ‘dab’ to save my life. To ensure I don’t fail, again, I have pictures of the fem-hy products and will avoid asking people who walk by, which one of these would YOU use?

The-Prettiest-Girl-in-the-World did far more learnding, though. She literally spent the whole day (over 10 hours!!!) learning the keys to effective communication (and doing a typing class because she said she was good at it and wanted to feel good about something).

However, not long after finishing her communication course, she went on to scar her oldest child for life by saying something that hurt him.

She didn’t mean to hurt him, but you know us artists, we are a temperamental lot. Like me, after hearing, “You know, Joe, I love this blog except for the … ah …words,” I spent a week in the fetal position.

Then, while discussing the best way to fix The-Oldest, I realized I’d left the mic on my computer turned on and The-Youngest heard it all, including my cunning plan to fake a phone call.

Oh, God!

Epic parenting fail on my part. Always be aware of the hot mic. (A lesson I should have learned from TV!)

We sorted that blunder out as best we could, but worse case, he gets in idea how parents solve things. A plan. Some humor. And a lot of ‘we’ll see if that works.’

Then, tomorrow, I have to give MY opinion to the-Oldest.  So what do I do if I don’t like his latest piece? Do I fake a heart attack? Pretend my phone rings and, oh no, it’s the prime minister needing my advice on blogging? I dunno.

It’s tough.

The greatest thing about a dog is that they don’t care if you wore the wrong shoes, smell bad or wrote a bad blog. They love you

Anyway, that was the day. We broke The-Oldest, I did my first shopping trip in over 14 days, and The-Prettiest-Girl-in-the-World graduated to The-Smartest-Girl-in-the-World.

I wanna claim the day was a success, but…

Only tomorrow will tell.

In the meantime, be safe, be healthy, and respect this new world.