We’re all doing fine, though allergies are now hitting The-Prettiest-Girl-in-the-World (or to quote her, “Noooooooooo! Allergies? Now? Really?”

Outside the house: They’re closing all outdoor public recreation facilities and public beaches. (About time, I say.)  Apparently, 30% in BC are not practicing social distancing. (Oh FFS people! FFS!!!!!! ) As well, no lockdowns, yet (because, I don’t know, they hope people will stop being morons? That’s like hoping that there’ll be three patties in a double quarter pounder or that they’ll make a good new Star Trek series.)

So, let me give you an insight into life at home today.

The-Prettiest-Girl-in-the-World said, “You know what, it’s kinda surprising, but I have no desire to drink.”

To which I responded (as all good husbands should) Challenge accepted!

*Shouts to The-Youngest* “Drum time! 2 hours of non-stop playing!”

*Shouts to The-Oldest* “Schoenberg! Now.”

*Runs to cook kippers and onions.*

*Vegas rushes to the front door to bark at everyone*

The-Prettiest-Girl-in-the-World heads for the liquor cabinet. She takes a huge bottle of tequila down.

Then hits me with it.

Ok, I think we’re going a bit stir crazy. How can TV and video games not be enough? Simple answer, they’re just not. This is coming as a huge shock in my life. HUGE. It’s like believing in Jesus, then seeing him, then finding out who you really saw was Russel Brand.

Add one more thing to how my life had been utterly shattered.

So here’s my top 10 things to do during this crisis, (that we did today, so you know they’re tested!).

1. Watch a 10-year-old Roomba vacuum the floor. It scared the dog, but the Prettiest-Girl-in-the-World watched it like a starving cat watches a fat mouse. I think I heard her giggling. (I may have to rethink what she did with the tequila bottle after hitting me with it.)
2. Play Geometry-dash. I’ve been told it’s a game that forces you to use your mind, so I haven’t played it, but The-Youngest says it’s great. (Ok, FYI, it has nothing to do with Geometry!!!! I have been fooled.)
3. Write a song (or start a blog or write a book). Maybe finger paint, but don’t do like The-Prettiest-Girl-in-the-World did and write “what is the matrix?” on the walls in her blood.
4. Get chased by rats and brutal inquisitors in a terrifying game called Plague Tale.
5. Wear leggings. Wait, hold on, not me, The-Prettiest-Girl-in-the-World did. Get that image of me in leggings out of your mind, or you’ll go mindblind.
6. Do silly walks the whole day. The-Prettiest-Girl-in-the-World said it was her leggings. Hmmm.
7. Make a list of lists. Yes, that’s me going insane, (which, by the way, is on list #4, things I’m going to do when I go insane)
8. Organize the dog storage area. It excited Vegas since I kept shifting around her food it was like I was going to feed her, but it felt great to throw old stuff out, make a container for meds (and label it), and find small shelves for treats, clippers and combs. If I can’t control the universe, I can control how and where old chewie toys get stored.
9. Admit you don’t know a word and look it up. Mine was Sundowning. Look it up. I can’t remember if I actually did. Did I?
10. Finish off a TV show together. We’re 1 episode away from the end of Community. Cool. Cool. Cool.

As I was finishing off the blog, The-Youngest sat down beside me. “Hey, what are you doing?”

Me: My blog.

Whatcha blogging about?

Me: Us and the isolation.

Sounds boring.

Me: It is. Not sure why people are reading it. I think they like my memes.

That makes sense. Why you doing it?

Me: Bored.

Makes sense. Thanks.

Me: Great chat.

No problem.

******

Anyway, things are basically fine here, but the moment I bend out of time and space and look into the future, I get a wave of panic and anxiety that hits the level I’ve only had when my first wife was dying. It’s a horrible feeling and, sadly, no amount of willing it away works, so I’ll do my best to live in the moment and control the things I can control.

“Stop the motherf*cking drumming right now!”

Be safe, be healthy and respect this new world.

This has to be big!