We’ve all seen this movie.

In fact, it’s a remake so you really may have seen this movie. See, there’s a cabin. In the woods (the inspiration for Josh Whedon’s… errr… Cabin in the Woods.) Young people come to this cabin. They do something they shouldn’t. Bad things happen.

Funny thing about horror movies, though. Everyone in them must never have seen a horror movie in their lives. They just don’t know that when you find a book made out of human skin, you don’t go freaking reading all the cool bits aloud. They have no clue that if it’s not pulped, set on fire and the ashes cleansed in holy water and sprite, then it ain’t dead! And don’t get me started on the whole backing up thing.

So this movie should fail, right?

Nope.

Somehow, writer/director Fede Alvarez makes it work.

And this is nothing short of astounding.

People, this movie is genuinely disturbing. I won’t say it’s frightening, but some of the images, some of the sounds, some of the on-screen moments may very well haunt you for a long time. I know tonight I’m going to sleep with the lights on and a fully fueled chainsaw beside my bed.

Ok, sure, it doesn’t have Bruce Campbell in it. It isn’t as campy as the original. And it probably won’t spawn a remake of the greatest movie of all time, Evil Dead 3, aka Army of Darkness, (“it’s a trick! Get an ax!”)

But that’s ok. This movie succeeds with a combination of innovative camera shots, acting that doesn’t seem like anyone’s acting and gut-wrenching violence.

Interestingly enough, when I went to see the movie, it was full of couples. How the men got their wives or girlfriends to see this shocker, I have no idea.

Did they just lie? Oh, hey, it’s all about nature and woods and there’s a love story and Ryan Gosling is shirtless in it.

Well, no, Ryan Gosling is not in it, shirtless or otherwise, and there isn’t a bone splinter of a love story anywhere to be found.

Were they bribed? Cars? Diamonds? Trips to Paris? Cuz that’s what they may want after seeing this one. It is horror at it’s more gruesome.

But this movie may very well give life to a new series of spectacularly unnerving gore-fests.

If they have the same writer and director, I’ll go see it.

In the dark.

Alone.

And if you like to be scared or unsettled or love closing your eyes through half a movie, this one’s for you.