Ok, so it’s now February 4^th.  How are we doing, world? Doing ok? Getting lots of sleep? Hydrating well?

See, the reason I ask is that you’re looking a little ragged – like a hungover sixteen-year-old who’s just staggered out of the bathroom after spending the night hugging the toilet and praying for death.

Lie down on the couch. Tell me all about it.

So what’s happening lately? Upset that some rich, entitled asshats decided it was a good idea to head to an isolated community and jump the line to get a vaccine? (Here) I totally get that they should be buried up to their necks in frozen seal pee and have polar bears gnaw on them, but that’s not likely to happen. I’m sorry people can be such selfish pricks.

Are you worried about what’s happening in the stock market? Concerned some hedge funds getting their butts handed to them by a bunch of Reddit groupies that decided to use a form of crowd-funding to make some money? (Here) I totally get that it’s like some nerdy pirates seizing a ship and then turning its guns on the fort.  Fun stuff. And who couldn’t kind of root them on? Likely it’ll end badly, but mad props to the pirates, right? – they’re fighting a rigged system by trying to re-rig the system.

Is it that you can’t get on a plane, go to a sunny, beachy place and sip colored drinks with umbrellas in them? (Here) Is it getting you down you can’t plan anything fun? I totally get that. Me? I would love to see Ireland, again, though there’s less sun there, in fact, no sun, and the last time I asked for an umbrella in my drink, the bartender replied, “Not in a fooking whiskey, you donkey-faced gobshite.”  I feel your pain, though.

Or are you thinking that censorship is getting way out of hand? Google going after 100,000 posts against Robin Hood Brokerage who are protecting the rich? Trump banned from Twitter? I totally get your concern that free speech is in jeopardy, and not from the government, but from unelected billionaire technocrats who have decided what you can or cannot say or do.

Let me paraphrase something written in the US Holocaust museum. First they came for the Trump supporters, and I did not speak out because I didn’t like them much, either. Then they came for the Reddit nerdlings in chat rooms who wanted to reshape the stock market, and I did not speak out because what the hell is Reddit? Then they came for anyone who disagrees with their political views, and I did not speak out because I was watching cat fail videos on YouTube. Then they came for me—and there was no one left to speak for me.

You’re right to be worried about those things, world. It’s ok to feel what you’re feeling. Here’s a glass of Irish whiskey. No umbrella. Drink up.

Better?

I thought so. It’s easy to focus on the moron who’s told that a restaurant has a no-mask-no-service policy, then yells and screams at the staff like a 2-year-old being told they have to put on pants to run around outside. Sure it’s easy to focus on the Governor of NY covering up the true death toll at the retirement homes or that Tom Brady plays for the Tampa Bay Buccaneers.

But take a deep breath, world. Avoid looking at the big clusterf*cks. Look at the little things. Look at a father who had to stay home due to Covid and now has the chance to walk his kids to school. Look at how I’ve learned to wear a mask without it fogging up my glasses. Look at how some of us (well, not me, but others) have bettered themselves by volunteering, donating to charity, leaving painted rocks with inspirational messages on the walking trails or simply doing the right thing because it’s the right thing. Look at the dew on the flowers, the frost on a spiderweb, the way the sun sets fire to the horizon sometimes.

There’s goodness and beauty out there, world. I promise you. Look no farther than the Prettiest-Girl-in-the-World.

Now, here, take the bottle with you. I’ll send you a link to the cat fail videos. (Here)