Pandemic Wednesday, July 22, 2020

I feel like a bandit whose mom made him wear a mask.

It’s day 133 for us – so where are we at?

Well, I have to say if you look around, you’d say yes, the pandemic is over… but more accurately, a ton of people are just fed up with having to do pandemic stuff, so they just don’t.

Sadly, there is still no vaccine yet, though as soon as there is, there will be those who don’t want it because it’ll turn them into lemmings or something.

In Canada, however, our border is still closed to the US, though there are some sneaky loopholes, like saying you need to have sex with your wife/husband or want to travel ‘through’ to get to Alaska. Or both.

Oddly enough, though, someone in the CDC said that the safest way to have sex was to use “glory holes.”  Honestly, you can’t make this sh*t up, no one would believe you (hence the link).

In BC, we’ve been smug about our infection rates, but they’ve been ticking up with 32 new cases just yesterday. Dr. Bonnie looks like she wants to spank people.

As well, locally, masks are not mandatory but are a really, really good idea.

Personally, I hate ‘mandatory’ anything, but relying on people’s sense of civic duty or sense of one-for-all-and-all-for-one is like relying on them to not pee on the toilet seat or leave dog poo in someone else’s garden.

So let’s talk about masks because while more people could definitely be wearing them, I have noticed something.

Some of the masks are dead cool.

It’s becoming a thing.

I noticed while making my first visit to a mall on Monday. Now, Oakridge wasn’t busy at all due to construction on the streets around it, construction on the mall itself, and construction on the construction. Hell, it took me 15 minutes just to find a way in!

But once inside the mall, there was someone with a mask, directing people traffic like a human flood gate. He had a cool black mask that peaked up the bridge of his nose, and a wide band that wrapped around his head.

Me, for the first time, I had my surgical mask worn properly, blue side out, the strings wrapped tightly around my ears, making me look like some sort of angry chihuahua. Being Canadian, I went where I was told, wearing a mask like I was told, and not sticking my fingers in my eyes like I was told.

Others in the mall wore brightly colored masks or floral ones. One whole family had the proper N95 mask in sexy black and walked around with a swagger like Stallone who’s just machine-gunned an entire cartel of villains. Another person had a mask made out of rainbows and sparkles like it was made from Beyonce’s runners or Madonna’s underwear, jus kidding, Madonna doesn’t wear underwear.

It was awe-inspiring just how many different masks there were, though personally, I’m still shocked that wearing a motorcycle helmet hasn’t become all the rage, but whatever.

All the staff at the Apple store had masked up, many with very decent-looking masks, and all kept their social distance like I was carrying Steve Job’s ashes or something.

Don’t get me wrong, it was good to see them all masked-up, all wiping everything down, all using every conceivable mitigation measure, but it was just so different from my local grocery store where I count it as a good day if the mask-less staff aren’t sneezing on the snap peas.

I mean, hey, if I don’t eat my veggies, maybe I should wear them!

So, I think it’s time for a new trend to be pushed by someone with influence, like The Rock or Kylie Jenner. Make cool masks cool to wear.

Yah, you heard me right. Design something amazing, Louis Vuitton, like a handbag for your face, with bejeweled pockets for your phone, credit cards, and tampons.

Make something sexy, Calvin Klein. Make something manly, Josh Brolin. Someone, somewhere, make something funny, like a mask that gives me a jawline.


Do it now.

In the meantime, be safe, be healthy, and respect the new world. Oh, and wear a mask as if other people’s lives mattered.



About Joe Cummings

Aquarius. Traveler. Gamer. Writer. A New Parent. 4 of these things are easy. One is not. But the journey is that much better for the new people in my life. A life I want to share with others, to help them, maybe, to make them feel less alone, sure, to connect with the greater world, absolutely.
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2 Responses to Pandemic Wednesday, July 22, 2020

  1. Anonymous says:

    You are so right — I’ve been thinking of this too. In fact I’ve designed so really cool masks. In my mind. Actually making them would require me to liberate my sewing machine in the guest bedroom/“temporary” storage room from beneath mounds of clothes needing minor mending (some of which have been waiting less than a year … well, maybe three years). But you’ve inspired me. I’ll get right on it.

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