I’m going to break from my usual format for breaking news.

Well, looks like it’s finally starting to happen. Like Italy, Spain, and some states in the US, we’re reopening the province. When I worked, we would have called this a soft opening, you know, an event to see what gets massively messed up, and then make corrections.

Don’t get me wrong, I love soft openings, and I think the provincial soft opening is a great idea. So, let’s take a look at it, shall we?

Gatherings of 2-6 people permitted in time for the long weekend. I’m still uncomfortable with this. Hugging? Kissing? Isn’t this all a little too soon? I feel like I can no longer hug and am pretty comfortable with having a conversation 6 feet from someone.

Or are we talking social distancing here? I feel like social distancing should still be a thing until this virus is gone or we’re all vaccinated or can all have N95 masks or stormtrooper helmets.

However, does that mean D&D is back on the table? Meeting up with my buddy to have coffee? BBQ party with a few family members?

Me likee.

For The-Oldest, maybe he can now play in person for his scholarships and contests. Or even find a way to play in the band. Who knows?

As for The-Youngest, he seems more excited about getting bike parts than hanging out. To be honest, I’m not sure his generation was that far away from quarantine at the best of times.

Retail stores, hair salons, child care, restaurants, libraries, and museums could reopen soon. Ok, did you see LIBRARY in there? Well, The-Prettiest-Girl-in-the-World read that and is both excited and a bit nervous as well.

She’s excited because she will get to see her friends, intact with real people who don’t talk about rollercoasters, Lizst or Dungeons and Dragons. And nervous because it’s unclear what the job will look like. I mean, there are a lot of lovely people and cute kids excited to get their first library cards, but those who leave needles, soiled underwear or used condoms in the washrooms, are less likely to be super caring about social distancing.

However, the big win for The-Prettiest-Girl-in-the-World will be the reopening of hair salons. I don’t think I’ve seen her as happy when she heard that news, and I’m comparing that to our wedding day. Yup, I think that comes a distant 2^nd. Maybe even 3^rd, if I include her getting hugged by the Fonze.

For me, I would love a good Mr. Mike’s burger. Yes, I’m a simple man with simple needs.

Elective surgeries, dental services, and physiotherapy are priorities to resume in mid-May. Dammit, now I have to go get my teeth cleaned. I vote that dentists don’t open for another 2 years.

Provincial parks expected to open for day use on May 14 and overnight camping could be allowed in June. Interesting, but I’m not a camper, so they may as well say they’re opening lava pits to swim in. However, there are some nice hikes I can now go on, if I, you know, want to hike and stuff.

Hotels, movie theatres, and the film industry might reopen in the summer. I do miss a good movie in the dark, the popcorn butter leaking through the napkin, and staining my pants in a very awkward place.

Plus, maybe we’ll be able to do something small for The-Prettiest-Girl-in-the-World’s birthday. A nice hotel somewhere close. Not sure how easy it will be to cross borders, so we’ll do something local.

Schools expected to be open to most students in September. Wait, I love having the kids at home, but going back to school will be good for my mental health and theirs (since they won’t be assigned things like digging holes to build character or making muffins with scraps from the garbage.)

All reopenings will depend on detailed plans to avoid transmission of COVID-19. Of course, that’s understood. If things go well, more restrictions will be removed. I feel a little like a kid who’s being told he can have the car, but only if they get good grades, stop masturbating in the closet, and remember to take out the trash.

Nightclubs, bars, and casinos will not reopen anytime soon. No loss to me. I drink happily at home (way, way more than I used to), and I was never one to hit the clubs and dance the night away. Basically, if fun was canceled forever, I’m ok with that.

The ban on gatherings of more than 50 people remains in place. Seems weirdly arbitrary. So if 49 people gather, it’s ok? What happens if there are 52, do they get arrested? I’ll avoid big gatherings for a while, thank you very much. And if I stumble into one, I’ll mask-up and make my way through it like a leprous hunchback.

So that’s the news. A ton is still up in the air, like details, but the world is shifting, again.

Until tomorrow, be safe, be healthy, and respect the new world.