Quarantine April 30, 2020

Day 49.

A quiet day, here.

Around the world, more Guinness World Records are being broken than ever before. More sponges in faces, more throws of a beach ball, the biggest Star Wars collection, it’s all happening. If aliens are watching us, I imagine them seriously face-palming themselves with their tentacles.

In Canada, we may be looking at meat shortages. While this is a major concern, it’s not as bad a liquor shortage – there’d be riots on the streets. Ok, kidding aside, the bigger concern is a break down of supply distribution. Already farmers are having to dump milk, plow under crops, and culling their livestock. Look to Venezuela to see what happens when people start to go hungry.

Here, the Vancouver mayor has threatened cuts to the police and fire departments cuz, I guess in his mind, with a 147% spike in property crimes, you need less police, or when someone is attacked on the Skytrain, the attacker will likely turn himself in – Like all serial rapists, murderers, and drug dealers do.

Here, the weather was lovely, the boys (lacking a band to play in at school) made their own two-man band and played swing music. It was brilliant.

More surprising, though, The-Youngest got up before 2pm. He was out of bed by 10am, made himself breakfast, then played music. I began to wonder if it was really him or if his brother had finally invented the Perfecto-Robo-Brother-2000. Either way, it was nice not having to nag him, then nag him some more, then when he finally gets up, I have to watch him wander like a Gila monster stalking a stone, in slow motion.

For me, I took an inventory of what we had in our cupboards. A friend of mine actually did a meal plan, so she stocked up on stuff her family would eat. Me, I have a ton of chicken soup, about ten cans of kippers for some strange reason (likely I bought them on sale over the past 10 years), a container of tang (do they still make that stuff?), and about 300 teas. Should make for some interesting meals if food suddenly becomes an issue.

I may need to get better organized, food-wise.

We do have some frozen hamburger in our fridge, though, and something in a bag that’s gone all frosty. I think it’s meat, too, but I’ll have to thaw it out. Right now, it could be used as a very lethal stone.

So, food-wise, what would we need? For a month? Hmm. The-Youngest would need 30 bags of lime flavoured nacho chips, jolly ranchers, sour candies, and popcorn. Not just for snacks, either, we’re talking for lunch and supper, too. For lunch, apart from the snacks, some combination of ham and cheese sandwiches and hot dogs. For supper, that’s easy, 30 boxes of pasta and enough parmesan cheese to keep Kraft in business for a thousand years.

Oh, and 90 packets of jello to make 3-tiered jello molds. No fruit or vegetables are necessary (perhaps unsurprisingly). Maybe 30 cases of pop (me, you mean 30 cans? Him: No.) and 30 boxes of frosted flakes, which can also be used for snacks, apparently, so those are like a superfood.

For The-Oldest, he’s the easiest. Cheerios and milk for breakfast. Ham sandwiches, Oreo cookies, mango slices, and either fishie crackers or cheese cracker sandwiches for lunch. For supper, pasta, no sauce needed. For dessert, nothing, because according to him, you don’t need dessert (Sometimes I don’t understand that boy.)

For The-Prettiest-Girl-in-the-World, breakfast would be fresh fruit, yogurt, bread with seeds and crap in it, or eggs. For lunch, a sandwich. Ham is fine. A salad is fine. Maybe some fruit. For dinner, something healthy that makes Joe wander the aisles with utter anxiety looking for things like Brazillian watercress, carrot chips in a green package, or lime-infused organic coconut milk digested first by Rhodesian goats.

Fresh is harder to stock up on, so she’d be happy with a lot of frozen peas and whatever frozen fruit there is. Oh, and chocolate, lots and lots of chocolate. Maybe more than that.

Apparently, chocolate is a superfood as well.

For me, if I’m honest, donuts and coffee for breakfast, something I can microwave for lunch, and for supper, I’d be ok with pasta, but I’d want some sort of sauce. And wine.

For dessert and snacks, I’m with The-Prettiest-Girl-in-the-World –  chocolate is a vital food group, but I’d love to have pie. Cherry pie. It is the greatest food ever made. Especially with ice cream.

So, hmmm, yes, stocking up for a month would be a challenge, but if we had to get by on less, we could and would. Pasta and eggs are fantastic. Toast and honey are delicious. Chicken noodle soup and crackers are great. We can drink water instead of milk (or in the case of The-Prettiest-Girl-in-the-World – instead of tequila). And if necessary, we can rip up the backyard and grow cucumbers or steaks or whatever you grow on a farm.

We may not be as well prepared as my friend, but we’ll survive.

So, until tomorrow, be safe, be healthy, and respect the new world.

About Joe Cummings

Aquarius. Traveler. Gamer. Writer. A New Parent. 4 of these things are easy. One is not. But the journey is that much better for the new people in my life. A life I want to share with others, to help them, maybe, to make them feel less alone, sure, to connect with the greater world, absolutely.
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