Happy Ukrainian Easter, everyone! “Khrystos Voskres!” “Voistynu Voskres”
I had a horrible realization yesterday, but it wasn’t about the world, it was about me.
However, in the world, Canada and the US extended their border restrictions for 30 more days. It’s not a big deal for us since we don’t do cross border shopping, but it’s definitely a kick-in-the-pants to any cool birthday trips for The-Prettiest-Girl-in-the-World.
In South Africa, Lions took over the road amid a tourist ban in Krugar Park. Being cats, though, they seem to have just taken over the road to sleep in the sun. If there was a cardboard box there, I’m sure they’d be inside it instead.
In BC, ICBC is waiving cancellation and re-plating fees for drivers. I had no idea there was a re-plating fee, but that’s cool. Sadly my mustang is in quarantine as well. I think I can hear it weeping at night.
More locally, we didn’t get to have the epic Easter Feast with our legendary Baba. She’s doing ok, but social distancing means we can’t even go to her retirement residence. We’re all a little sad.
For me, though, the big realization was that if this was an apocalypse (and it isn’t, but IF), then I have no useful skills. I don’t hunt and hate the thought of actually butchering an animal. I’m not a good gardener (and therefore not good at being a farmer). I can shoot, but don’t have a gun, so that’s like saying I can breathe but only when I have air.
As I went down the list of great survival skills (HERE) like making a homemade compass or being able to drink my own urine, I realized that I would likely have only one use. “Ok, Joe, see that bear over there? Walk up to it, wave your arms, and while it’s savaging you, I’ll shoot it with the crossbow I made from MacDonald’s straws.”
So, what skills do I have? I could write about everyone doing amazing things like making snares, tying knots, or building a house from leftover cans of baked beans. I can order from Pizza Hut, which is nowhere near as easy as it should be. I could watch people doing stuff and be overly critical of their technique (that’s always a crowd-pleaser.)
Hmmm. Not a lot of useful skills there.
Seems I am a product of the 21st century. I’m decent at a lot of useless things like trivial pursuit, computers, writing, losing tools, organizing supplies, managing retail operations, cooking something from packages, buying stuff online, and being a good dungeon master (Oh, if only we were facing the Dark Lord, then I would have some skills, let me tell you.)
But lacking a Mt. Doom to throw a ring into, any scouting badges, or even the patience to be a good fisherman, I am just lucky this is not the apocalypse, but just a really difficult time.
However, if things do get a lot worse, The-Prettiest-Girl-in-the-World made a list of 5 people we want in our survival camp.
- The Rock, cuz, you know, he’s nice to look at and can probably lift things.
- Bill Nye, the Science Guy cuz he would totally be the professor from Gilligan’s island and make a nuclear reactor from fish sperm.
- Bear Grylls, cuz he’s is a British former SAS serviceman and knows a thing or two about bears.
- Ryan Renolds cuz he’s funny, Canadian, and we may need to laugh.
- And Dr. McDreamy if he was a real doctor, or, really, if he’s not, too.
I note that I am not on the list, nor are any other women.
Anyway, time to go read up on how to train your dog to kill. “Here, Vegas!”
Until tomorrow, be safe, be healthy, and respect this new world.
(note, in his day, Kevin Bacon might have made The-Prettiest-Girl-in-the-World’s list, but below is still a cool video about 6 degrees of separation.)