my store

I have to say, when I first started this blog, I thought we’d all be through this whole Coronavirus thing. I thought, hey, maybe we’re overreacting, but no, it looks like we’ll be quarantined for some time now.

Like the rest of the world.

However, at least now, I can venture out and get my groceries. I’ll probably do this about twice a week, but being super paranoid, I want to do it right. So, here’s what I do.

I plan what I have to get in my head. Like I plan a lot of things, like conversations, jobs I have to do, or who should I assign to delete my browsing history?

I figure out what we’re going to eat, what treats we need, and then I add milk if we have the boys, or a lot of chocolate if we don’t. By knowing WHAT, I can then figure out where to get it, unless The-Prettiest-Girl-in-the-World has put something like rabbit bile for her latest creation, then I have to guess.

Also, part of what I plan is when to go. That’s easy, really. I go first thing in the morning. To Save-On. Ok, sure, they’re not entirely restocked at 8am, but during these times, they’re not restocked at any time, really.

I get there right at 8. Like. Right. At. 8.

I grab the sanitizers and sanitize the hell out of the cart. Hell, even before I’ve left the house, I have wipes and have wiped down myself, the car, and even my credit card. I want to be surgically sterile.

Anyway, I grab the cart.

Mostly the only people there are older than me. By a lot. Or at least I like to think ‘by a lot.’

That’s sort of the good news and the bad news.

The good news is that my competition is slow and will likely forget they came for toilet paper. The bad news is that they are slow and will likely forget why they came to any one aisle.

So why is this a problem?

See, in this new age, there are arrows in the aisles so that we can all go down one at a time and not bump into each other. This is really cool, actually, though I used to shop like a squirrel looking for nuts while being chased by a rabid tiger.

But when someone super slow gets in an aisle, it creates a massive traffic jam. I will likely be that person in a few years, but right now, I want to get in and out faster than Jesse Owens at a KKK meeting. So, when I race around the corner, my shopping cart tires squealing, and I see someone slow in the aisle, I back up, making beep, beep, beep sounds, and find another aisle.

Sadly, though, I had to stop once to help someone get something down from a shelf. My, but that was fun. I had to say ‘I could get that for you,’ from 20 feet away, then repeat myself, louder, then ask her to step away like she’s a leper with a Nazi armband, then when she stepped away, I grabbed the item and placed it on a lower shelf. Then I backed away like it was a bomb.

It can be weird, let me tell you.

However, because I have a plan, I can hit and run the aisles very quickly. Bag of onions, Bang. Whole chickens. Boom. 14 packs of bite-size O-henry’s. Deep shame, but ba-bang.

Every aisle, I wipe my hands down, no matter what I’ve touched, and because I am very, very bad at not touching my face, the only way I do it is with the sleeve of my jacket, which then gets washed when I get back home.

So I think I’m doing ok when I do my runs. I don’t bring our reusable bags, I don’t linger to chat with anyone (like I did anyway!!!), and things like the milk fridge or frozen section, I wipe down with my wipies before opening.

It’s a chore, but I would hate to think I passed along something to someone or brought something home.

When I get home, I unpack, wipe down everything that needs wiping down, wash fresh stuff, and store it all away so I can make happy-time meals.

On this trip today, I was able to get almost everything on my list. At a certain point, things like hand sanitizer, wipes or cleaners (though I did score bleach last week!) are pretty much a pipe-dream. So, we’ll eat well, and I know I’ve done my best to protect my family and my community.

Now, where’s that bucket of chocolate chip ice cream?

So, please be safe, be healthy, and respect this new world.

meme of the day