I found something alarming today.
However, before we get to that, a quick update. The boys are safe. The-Prettiest-Girl-in-the-World and I are fine. I bounced out of yesterday’s darkness and went looking for humor.
In the house, Vegas is snorting like a pig to get attention. What the hell? Barking isn’t working as effectively, I guess.
The-Prettiest-Girl-in-the-World did tons of homework for work, which really is the definition of home-work. She also cooked today (no, not meth), she prepared a fantastic supper and then phoned her Baba. Of all the people we’re worried about most, it’s her 96-year-old Baba who lives in a nursing home. Baba is doing fine, thanks for asking.
As for me, I found something while organizing a dresser drawer.
Read on in horror.
Her secret To-Do List:
- Cut Joe’s hair. Kelly, my hairdresser, said I couldn’t cut my own hair, but she didn’t say anything about cutting my husband’s hair.
- Pinch off Joe’s sleep apnea tube. How long could he last without air?
- Ask Joe to bring a new chair upstairs so I can use it in my office. I know the chair I want, but I’ll get him to bring up 10 other chairs before I finally tell him the right one. How many times will Joe go up and down the stairs with a chair before he either dies or stops getting chairs? I’m taking bets at 9.
- Make a list of super embarrassing things for Joe to get at the grocery store. Feminine hygiene products are too easy now. Anal wart cream? Is there such a thing? Maybe it shouldn’t even be real so that when he can’t find it, he has to ask.
- Send Joe out for Timmie’s coffee. I need a Timmies coffee. Have him go through alien-contact decontamination protocol after giving me the coffee.
- Replace all the lightbulbs in the family room lights with burnt-out ones. Then sit back and listen to the cursing.
- Hide the keys. Joe’s always losing them, so this won’t be too entertaining unless… I figure out fun places. Monday, fridge. Tuesday, under the dog bed. Wednesday, in his old man cap. By Thursday, he should be carrying around his keys in his pants at all times. Friday, hide the pants.
- Reorganize Joe’s library. Right now, there is no organization. He says it’s based on books he likes being at eye level or by colour, sometimes, or whatever. He’s insane. I’ll set it up by type (hardcover), genre, and author (alphabetical) for fiction, Dewey Decimal, for non-fiction. Saturday, I might hide the keys there.
- Leave empty cans of beer around the house, and since I don’t drink beer, I can tell him he’s been sleep-drinking. It’s likely after losing the keys for a week, this will be an easy sell.
I’m going to have to watch myself. If I don’t blog for 4 days straight, someone, please dig up the backyard and find my body. Apparently, this was page 1 of 3.
Until tomorrow, be safe, be healthy, and respect this new world.