How Do You Survive A Kid’s Party Part 2

There's always an odd one left out

There’s always the odd one left out

So, we had 5 kids coming over for a birthday party.  An even number would have been better. Odd numbers leave a team lopsided. It becomes 3 vs 2.

My first solution was to dis-invite someone, but that didn’t go anywhere. Apparently feelings might be hurt. Nor did my idea to lock one in a closet for a while. Apparently that’s no longer allowed. So we would manage with 5, and all but one would be sleeping over. At least the sleeping bags would be all even and that fed the OCD beast inside of me.

Having cleaned the room and put away anything that could be broken or ruined with sticky fingers, and removed all the violent video games, (which, as it turns out, was about 95% of all the games I own), we were satisfied that we’d done all we could.

Then the kids arrived. We went against our instincts and basically left them alone. We had a few rules, but nothing too draconian.

Top 5 rules

  • can we body slam? ah, no

    Can we body slam? ah, no

    No hitting each other. No wrestling, either. No fake hitting each other. Basically no violence. None. Ok, well, nerf wars, yeah, but no violence other than that.

  • Please include everyone in all games. Even if only 2 can play on the xbox at a time, make sure everyone gets a chance to play. You know, take turns.
  • No playing upstairs. No hiding upstairs. No running up the stairs that lead to the upstairs. Keep the play downstairs.
  • Do not go into my office. I have it boobie-trapped. Plus, I have presents in there. So it’s a no-go zone. No. Go. I’ll post a sign. And an attack dog.
  • If in doubt, ask. If you wonder if it’s a good idea to light someone on fire, come ask. If you want to eat your weight in candy corn, come ask us before you do. Or, assume the answer will be no and don’t do it in the first place.

We had to add a sixth one. No slamming doors, or as I said when I came down to remind them of that rule for the forth time, no frigging slamming anymore frigging doors or the nerf guns go.

Nerf warriors, open fire!

Nerf warriors, open fire!

They were loud, but not too loud, and from the few times I went down there, they seemed to be having the BEST time. Nerf bullets were flying, bases were built and defended, sniper spots established and teams made and remade (even one epic 4 on 1 battle.)

They played for about 2 hours before pizza arrived. Much to my surprise, they all ate politely upstairs. No food fights. No sticking pepperoni slices up anyone’s nose. Nothing. They ate like little gentlemen, wiped their little fingers on their napkins and even thanked us for the food.


Then they went back downstairs to watch the movie they’d decided on by democratic vote. Jurassic World. With the sound way up. After that, they watched a bit more TV, more flipping channels than actually dedicated show watching, and fell asleep around 12, after much giggling and talking.

To be completely forth-coming, I went to bed at 10, exhausted. The Prettiest-girl-in-the-world, with mom-stamina, stayed up until they boys were in bed. And asleep. And for a few hours afterwards to make sure they were, you know, actually asleep and not lulling us into a false sense of security so they could kidnap the neighbour’s cat or something.


Top 5 observations

  • Given a game without structure, such as nerf wars, they will invent structure.
  • Even if they don’t have guns, they will use anything as a gun. A pillow. A bag of chips. A broom handle. They are very creative in this aspect, yet ask them to think about what they can get their mom for her birthday and they stare at you like cows who’ve drunk too much.
  • The dinosaurs were not the only things running around when the boys watched this movie

    The dinosaurs were not the only things running around when the boys watched this movie

    No one can sit still while watching a movie. I know kids fidget, but holy hell, 5 of them on a couch watching Jurassic World is like looking at a bunch of fleas trying to flee the flea spray.

  • Everyone is a critic. They all know the BEST way to attack in lego batman or how a dinosaur SHOULD have looked or how THEY would have scored in NHL 2014. This does not bode well for the future of our world.
  • Unlike girls, there is no talk of feelings. Not at 9 or 90. It’s just not a guy thing. Oh, we may have feelings, and The Youngest is absolutely no exception, but there is very little talk like, when you say I’m stupid, I feel that you don’t respect me and it hurts my feelings, and more, shut up or I’ll punch you in the nuts.

All in all, the night went well. No children were harmed in the experiment. No teeth were lost. No tears shed. Worst thing that happened was they went to bed at 12 and woke up at 6 am.

So, lacking any great stories of disaster, I’ll leave you with this.

Best line of the night.

Can I please smell your breath? (one said to another after one of them had eaten bubble gum cupcake frosting).

About Joe Cummings

Aquarius. Traveler. Gamer. Writer. A New Parent. 4 of these things are easy. One is not. But the journey is that much better for the new people in my life. A life I want to share with others, to help them, maybe, to make them feel less alone, sure, to connect with the greater world, absolutely.
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