Why Minor Hockey is Like Way, Way Better Than the NHL

I’ve been fortunate to watch a few hockey games, now. One a professional league. One a bunch of little kids with Timbits on the back of their jerseys.

And I have something to tell you.

The little kids are way more entertaining.

And they don’t cost you a year’s salary to see.

Here’s why.

1) I’m pretty sure there’s no dancing in the NHL. At least I’ve not seen the players doing it. I think LA has some skating bunnies or something, but whatever. In H1-4, you can see a kid off in his own world, listening to music in his head (or, on a rare occasion, over the PA) and dancing up a storm. I’m not sure he realizes everyone is watching.

2) There are girls. GIRLS! And you know what, they can skate, they can hit and they can shoot.

3) You’ll see the future superstars and they might not be named Lafleur, Tretsiak, Sedin or Orr. They might be named Li, Jawal, Kim, or Rahim. Or even Sheila Matusimshu.

4) In the NHL, the goalie will play without a stick. How boring. In minor hockey, I’ve seen it take 5 min for a goalie to be able to pick up his stick, completely oblivious to the play around him. It’s like he’s blind and lost in a forest looking for a peanut or something.

5) Playing hard actually counts for something in minor hockey.

6) No goalie, ever, in the NHL has had to skate off the ice in the middle of the game to go pee. It’s not uncommon in minor hockey and hey, how much greater the tension when your goalie simply skates away clutching his crotch?

7) The fans in minor hockey cheer for every goal and every save and, in most cases, every time their child touches the puck. They cheer really hard when their goalie makes a save, cuz, like watching Luongo these days, it’s pretty rare.

8) Games in minor hockey can be 23-1. I kid you not. No one keeps score of course. No one except the parents, the coach and the kids. However, I think the Canuck lost a game like that, but it’s still cooler with the kids.

9) In the NHL, a 4 on 0 breakaway pretty much guarantees a goal. In minor hockey, not so much. 10% chance of a goal. 40% chance at least one will crash into the other. 10% chance the goalie will skate away from the net in search of his stick or a bathroom. 39% chance the shooter will miss the net. 1% chance they’ll score. So much more interesting, right?

10)        In the NHL, every slapshot pretty much goes off without a hitch. Maybe a broken stick. Maybe someone blocks the shot with their face or crotch. But basically, nothing spectacular. In minor hockey, well, I’ve seen them fall after shooting, leap as they shot, miss and hit the kid beside them in the helmet with their stick, hit the ice so hard the stick flew out of their hands, and, every so often, when the moon is full and mercury is rising, the shot comes off. Again, isn’t that more fun?

So, if you ever get a chance, sell one of your Canuck’s tickets, buy a new car, then go see a minor hockey game. It’s worth your time.