G.I. Joe: Retaliation
The best part of this movie was a trailer for the new Star Trek epic coming out later this year. Oh, the movie wasn’t a complete disaster, but it’s one best seen on cheap Tuesdays or with a friend who’s willing to buy a ticket for you.
First, a warning to any potential female viewers. Despite promo pictures to the contrary, the Magic Mike guy, Tatum Channing or Channing Tatum – I always forget – does not, I repeat does not appear topless. The ninja guy, Stormshadow (played by Byung-hun Lee) does, however seem to love to fight without a top. But that’s it.
The plot is simple, because, well, it has to be, it’s nothing more than a vehicle for lots of things blowing up, some nifty fight scenes and loads of hi-tech guns, tanks, and bullets. The Joe’s, betrayed by their own government, must defeat the hissing Cobra Commander from destroying the world. Hoorah!
Along the way, there’s some painful dialogue, the Rock flexes his muscles, and Bruce Willis shows up to make sure old guys are represented.
Perhaps the highlight of the movie is a battle between red ninjas and the good guys, Snake eyes and Jinx, that takes place on the cliffs of the Himalayas. Using ropes, the swing at each other, swords out, death a billion feet below. Pretty cool, actually. The evil henchman Firefly is also kind of nifty as he uses, you guessed it, little metallic, remote control fireflies that go boom-boom. I ended up rooting for him. It didn’t help. He still dies.
Sorry to spoil it for everyone.
I wanted to like this movie more than I did. But I couldn’t completely shut off my brain. If you go, clear your mind, adjust your 3D glasses and enjoy the ride. It’s an action film after all. And it has plenty of action. Just not much else.