Of all the things I worry about when I’m thinking of getting old, the one that scares me the most is losing my mind. I mean, will I know it when it happens?
So, I am tasking my friends to be the guardian of my sanity, or my mental well-being. To help them along, here are 10 things to watch out for. If I do anyone of them, please put me on a nice piece of floating ice and send me out to sea.
2) If I ever I begin to think the Twilight movies are AWESOME. Don’t even bother with the floating ice, just shoot me. In the head. Zombie style.
3) If I ever show up at any party, camping trip or movie completely naked. Oh I’ve had dreams about this but if it happens in real life, but a paper bag over my head and take me into the woods for the bears.
4) If I ever manage to correctly use ‘imply’ and ‘infer’. Oh, I know the rules for their usage but those brain cells that allow me to remember them were tragically slain when I fell off a table, drunk, after singing London Calling at a staff party. If I ever start using them correctly that means my mind has rewired itself and no telling where that will lead. Best not to take any chances.
5) If I ever start rooting for the Boston Bruins. There’s a good argument to be made that anyone rooting for them should be put down but for me, they are the devil’s team, mostly thugs, bruisers and cheap-shotters, yes, even back in Boddy Or’s day.
7) If I ever say, no thanks, I don’t want steak, I would rather have a salad with tofu. Now at some point I may not be able to have a steak or eat it but I’ll always want one.
9) If I ever offer to mow someone’s lawn. I don’t know why I hate mowing so much but such an offer will surely mean my mind has baked in the sun for weeks.